As pretty much anyone who lives in the midwest in winter can tell you...by February, the winter blahs have set in and you just keep looking for signs of spring. The sun peeps out once in a while, but for the most part, it feels gray. And Cold. And snowy. BLAH!
We are under another winter weather advisory today. It has been raining all day. Which, may seem like that is a good thing, but the rain has turned all of the surfaces to glare ice. Everything is slippery! Poor Elvis slid right across the porch and down the steps this morning when I took him out for his morning tinkle. I had to use the ice chopper as a stabilizing pick when I went to get the paper this morning, or I for sure would have been flat on my back, sliding around in the cold and wet driveway. Then, the driveway is also flooding, so I had to dig out the drainage ditch so it could drain. I slid down into the water of the ditch and it was up to the top of my snowmobile boots-that is knee high to those who don't know! Then, it is supposed to turn into snow at any time now.
Yesterday, Phrog's buddy Randy came with a skid loader and pushed the snow around and back out of the way, just in case we got the 12 inches that they said were possible. Then I loaded Larry and Elvis in the car and we went on an ice melter mission. Fleet Farm was completely out of salt, so I had to pay $15.00 for a 50lb bag at Menard's. The price isn't the problem, it is the 50 lbs- that is not easy to pour into my bucket to take outside! I'll probably use the whole bag later on, after the snow stops!
Larry is not feeling very good today, but then again, neither am I. He got up twice to go to the bathroom last night, so I don't feel like I got alot of sleep. So I am kind of groggy and feeling just a bit off. Larry says his stomach doesn't feel good, but, I really think that is a side effect of those anti-biotics. The Doctor even said- these are really hard on your stomach, so you probably won't be really hungry, but you have to eat anyhow.
I had a talk with him again yesterday because he is again lamenting how weak he is and how he just doesn't feel good. I sat down and asked him- "So, are we talking don't feel good as in you feel worse than last week?"
"No, I feel better than last week".
"Then are you talking recent past that you don't feel as good as, or are we talking before your first heart attack?"
"Well, I don't feel as good as I used to before all this stuff started."
"So, several years, is what you are saying. That you have not felt good in several years."
"Yes."
"Larry, you are never, ever going to feel that good again. I am sorry. But, You are not. You have to come up with a new starting point for how you are feeling. You can't keep saying you don't feel good, when you are comparing it to 4 years ago, before any of your medical issues started."
And he just looked at me.....I really don't think that he sees that by focusing on how BAD he feels, that he is never going to feel good. You can't change how you are feeling if you are dragging around all the old crap and won't let it go. You don't have any room to let it in. Your arms are full, hugging the Bad feelings to yourself and telling yourself over and over, that no one understands how bad you feel.
Well, what about how when you feel OK?
Doesn't matter- I still feel bad and always feel bad and that is that. The days when I feel OK are flukes and I want to feel better than OK, so, it is not enough. Not enough ever.
Bless his pointy little head.
But, I guess that it is his life and if he wants to be miserable, I will let him- just so long as he stops trying to drag me down there with him. And every once in a while, I will point out that if he wants to feel better, he can- feel better. Just let go of the past and what you are expecting.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
The Never Ending Snow
Well,as it is winter in Wisconsin...it is snowing again. Between the snow and the cold (It was just -13 degrees on the weekend) it is making this one, long, winter. It sure is pretty though, so that's a plus!
I cleaned my keyboard before and must not have put the spacer bar back in correctly because my spaces aren't working!
Anyhow- Larry has finished the first 7 days of the 14 day course of Vanco and Xifaxan. He felt better within 48 hours of starting the meds. I am sure this will work-how's that for positive thinking? They are holding off on therapy for a month,so that he can hopefully, have a little bit more oomph to try to do the exercises. I was kind of sad that they stopped for the month,but with Medicare, it gets kind of tricky. For Medicare to pay-You have to show progress- which he hasn't because he keeps getting sick and then that makes him weak. So they feel that stopping for the month and then restarting is the best plan. I just am intending that he doesn't get even weaker than he has been because-as I stated before- it is really hard to get him to do anything here at home.
Oh- and this morning, I was getting his antibiotic doses set up for the week and low and behold-we are 9 pills short on the Vanco. SO I called the pharmacy when they opened and asked them about it.They put me on hold and came back about 5 minutes later-"Well,I don't know how it happened,but I show 9 extra in the computer, so you can just come and pick them up." What if I had not been paying attention to the days,or was like a lot of Larry's older friends who would never even think to question the amount. I tell you, since Walmart lost Dennis,their pharmacy manager, it has really gone down hill.
We haven't been doing too much because the weather has been so cruddy. I don't take Larry out too much to just cruise around when the roads are this bad. It isn't worth the risk that I would get stuck and then have to figure out how to get him out of wherever I am stuck at. I did throw him in the car so he could do errands with me yesterday.It was a balmy 8 degrees, so I got him a chocolate shake while I ran into the post office,then to Walmart (Where I politely declined a new prescription for a phosphorus binder at $195.00-which would be per month.No thanks!) and then to the Piggly Wiggly for Old Dutch Air Puffed Corn to make a couple more batches of carmel corn.That is the best carmel corn ever and easy to make.
Well,time to go shovel. BFN.
I cleaned my keyboard before and must not have put the spacer bar back in correctly because my spaces aren't working!
Anyhow- Larry has finished the first 7 days of the 14 day course of Vanco and Xifaxan. He felt better within 48 hours of starting the meds. I am sure this will work-how's that for positive thinking? They are holding off on therapy for a month,so that he can hopefully, have a little bit more oomph to try to do the exercises. I was kind of sad that they stopped for the month,but with Medicare, it gets kind of tricky. For Medicare to pay-You have to show progress- which he hasn't because he keeps getting sick and then that makes him weak. So they feel that stopping for the month and then restarting is the best plan. I just am intending that he doesn't get even weaker than he has been because-as I stated before- it is really hard to get him to do anything here at home.
Oh- and this morning, I was getting his antibiotic doses set up for the week and low and behold-we are 9 pills short on the Vanco. SO I called the pharmacy when they opened and asked them about it.They put me on hold and came back about 5 minutes later-"Well,I don't know how it happened,but I show 9 extra in the computer, so you can just come and pick them up." What if I had not been paying attention to the days,or was like a lot of Larry's older friends who would never even think to question the amount. I tell you, since Walmart lost Dennis,their pharmacy manager, it has really gone down hill.
We haven't been doing too much because the weather has been so cruddy. I don't take Larry out too much to just cruise around when the roads are this bad. It isn't worth the risk that I would get stuck and then have to figure out how to get him out of wherever I am stuck at. I did throw him in the car so he could do errands with me yesterday.It was a balmy 8 degrees, so I got him a chocolate shake while I ran into the post office,then to Walmart (Where I politely declined a new prescription for a phosphorus binder at $195.00-which would be per month.No thanks!) and then to the Piggly Wiggly for Old Dutch Air Puffed Corn to make a couple more batches of carmel corn.That is the best carmel corn ever and easy to make.
Well,time to go shovel. BFN.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Is it Spring Yet???? I didn't think so!
Can anyone in the mid- west believe the winter we have had this year??? It is either snowing or it's cold and sometimes it's snowing AND cold!
We are in the midst of another snow storm- this time we could get up to 20 inches! We are not used to that amount of snow! We get an inch or two. Maybe 3-4...but this is the second time in 2 weeks that we have had over 12 inches of snow! Well, at least we can stay home the rest of the day and not have to worry about it!
Monday, Larry had dialysis and wasn't feeling good- I was a little worried that the c-diff was coming back. And lo and behold, by 8:00 pm, he was pooping like a goose. So, I called the Dr. in the morning and had to wait for her to get back to me. I also had to cancel Elvis' haircut because Larry couldn't be alone for the 40 minutes that it would take to get Elvis to the groomer and get back home. He was really weak and wobbly again and that ain't good when you are sprinting for the john! Well, as sprinting as you can sprint when you are 81 with a prostesis, muscle weakness and a walker!
The Dr. finally called back (After we got to therapy, which we decided was a no go after about 20 minutes of Larry half heartedly sitting and trying to do his exercises) and said she would call in 2 prescriptions and I should just go pick them up. Take Lar back home, get him settled in bed, under a nice warm blankie and off to Walmart , oh so convieneant drive through pharmacy I go.
"Your insurance won't cover this one and it is $198.00"
"Why won't the insurance cover it?"
"They don't say."
"Well, I am just going to have to pay-he needs the antibiotics- what else can I do?"'All right, we'll get them ready because we didn't think you would want them at that price." and off they go to do whatever it is they do-and all of a sudden they popped back on-
"Hold on, we have your Doctor on the line and she says she will try to straighten it out, so call us back later and check".
My cell rings about 10 minutes later and it is Dr. Miller-" well, we don't know what the insurance company is going to do- they faxed me a letter saying I will have a decision in 72 hours. If I don't hear from them by noon and get it straightened out, I want you to take Larry to the emergency room and we'll treat it intreveineously from there."
I get home and tell Lar that he may being going in again and he just looks resigned and says-"OK".
She called at 12:15 "They just faxed me the OK, so, you can go pick them up at the pharmacy."
I am no dumb bunny and figured that I better call the pharmacy to make sure it was OK and that they had the meds, etc. And the answer to those questions was- sure they have the meds, but the fax that they got still shows they are not covered- call us back in 15 minutes and we'll see what is up.
15 minutes later, I call again. OK- we have it all set. They are done and your balance on the 2 is $191.54. I was not about to argue- I just want the dang drugs to get Larry going on them to hopefully knock this infection out for good!
He has had a days worth now, so hopefully we will see an improvement soon.
And in the meantime....SNOW! SNOW! SNOW! You can't even tell that it was shoveled out there! If I was a kid, I'd be in heaven with all these snow days they've been getting!
And as a foot note- Say a little prayer for my neighbor across the street. They just hauled him away in the ambulance- they think he had a stroke. God bless.
We are in the midst of another snow storm- this time we could get up to 20 inches! We are not used to that amount of snow! We get an inch or two. Maybe 3-4...but this is the second time in 2 weeks that we have had over 12 inches of snow! Well, at least we can stay home the rest of the day and not have to worry about it!
Monday, Larry had dialysis and wasn't feeling good- I was a little worried that the c-diff was coming back. And lo and behold, by 8:00 pm, he was pooping like a goose. So, I called the Dr. in the morning and had to wait for her to get back to me. I also had to cancel Elvis' haircut because Larry couldn't be alone for the 40 minutes that it would take to get Elvis to the groomer and get back home. He was really weak and wobbly again and that ain't good when you are sprinting for the john! Well, as sprinting as you can sprint when you are 81 with a prostesis, muscle weakness and a walker!
The Dr. finally called back (After we got to therapy, which we decided was a no go after about 20 minutes of Larry half heartedly sitting and trying to do his exercises) and said she would call in 2 prescriptions and I should just go pick them up. Take Lar back home, get him settled in bed, under a nice warm blankie and off to Walmart , oh so convieneant drive through pharmacy I go.
"Your insurance won't cover this one and it is $198.00"
"Why won't the insurance cover it?"
"They don't say."
"Well, I am just going to have to pay-he needs the antibiotics- what else can I do?"'All right, we'll get them ready because we didn't think you would want them at that price." and off they go to do whatever it is they do-and all of a sudden they popped back on-
"Hold on, we have your Doctor on the line and she says she will try to straighten it out, so call us back later and check".
My cell rings about 10 minutes later and it is Dr. Miller-" well, we don't know what the insurance company is going to do- they faxed me a letter saying I will have a decision in 72 hours. If I don't hear from them by noon and get it straightened out, I want you to take Larry to the emergency room and we'll treat it intreveineously from there."
I get home and tell Lar that he may being going in again and he just looks resigned and says-"OK".
She called at 12:15 "They just faxed me the OK, so, you can go pick them up at the pharmacy."
I am no dumb bunny and figured that I better call the pharmacy to make sure it was OK and that they had the meds, etc. And the answer to those questions was- sure they have the meds, but the fax that they got still shows they are not covered- call us back in 15 minutes and we'll see what is up.
15 minutes later, I call again. OK- we have it all set. They are done and your balance on the 2 is $191.54. I was not about to argue- I just want the dang drugs to get Larry going on them to hopefully knock this infection out for good!
He has had a days worth now, so hopefully we will see an improvement soon.
And in the meantime....SNOW! SNOW! SNOW! You can't even tell that it was shoveled out there! If I was a kid, I'd be in heaven with all these snow days they've been getting!
And as a foot note- Say a little prayer for my neighbor across the street. They just hauled him away in the ambulance- they think he had a stroke. God bless.
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